A fancy hat 9/11

Wow, so… it’s… it’s that day again, the 9th…. the 11th of the 9th, which means September. September 11th, you might call it. The day that will live infamously, as they said at the time.

And we still remember, believe me, some of us are… we were there. Many of us, myself included, ran into the towers as they were falling, ran in and saved many lives. I carried out 3 children, 3 children who are with us today. They’re in the back of this crowd, waving, because I saved them. They are now 20 years old, which is… wow. That’s an age, right? Wow. Get a look at these kids.

But it’s been 19 years since these terrible attacchhskkkssch hit our soil, the US soil, the dirt, and killed almost 3000 people. That’s about 3 days now, 3 days in the United States, and it happened all at once. Which is… that’s incredible, isn’t it? 3000 dead. And they stayed dead, unlike some. You know… you know what I mean.

*snffffffffffffffff*

But the US has gotten much stronger since then. Baracko Biden, he was President on that day, and we’ve all seen the famous photograph of him reading the book. He’s reading a book to a room full of angry dems, and then they say “Sir, it’s 9/11” and he has to react, very strongly. But he never did, never did the big reaction.

If I had been President then, believe me, it would have been a VERY different story. I’d have flown up there, I’d have talked them down, I’m very good at making deals, making the amazing deals. You’ve seen what I’ve done with North Korea, we would have had WORLD WAR THREE if Hillary Obama had won, but they didn’t, I won, and now? Now things are doing incredible, really just… things are great. Doing amazing in many ways and about to do even more ways. But I’d have stopped the planes and maybe saved a LOTTA lives. Unfortunately though, I wouldn’t… I wouldn’t have the tallest building in New York then, would I? So, I suppose… I think that maybe there are always good things and bad things. And even in 9/11, there were good things.

And I remember getting the call on that day.

“Sir, the towers are going down. There’s smoke everywhere and the towers are going down. What do we do?”

And I was watching TV, okay, I don’t watch much TV but I was watching 13 hours of TV and I turned it and saw the planes. And at first you think “Wow, this is a good way to collapse a building” and then maybe you have a bad thought, you think about your brother who flew a plane and you think maybe he’s come back, he’s finally come back to get you. But it’s not that, thank God, it’s just a plane hitting a building. And some people died, it’s fine, you’re fine. And now? Now you have the tallest building in the world.

*snffffff*

So on this, the holiest of 9/11s, I’m… God blesschhh us. That’s…. that’s what I remember. The skyscrapers, or cloud touchers we call them, but everybody left. And I remember seeing the Muslims dancing in the street. Dancing in the street and AOC was there with them, serving them drinks from the bar she owned. And I turned around and Joe Biden was there doing a hula dance. And that’s… that’s what you need to know, okay? That was 9/11. And Joe Biden didn’t do a THING to stop it.

A fancy hat 6/8

I’m here because…. well… we can see. There’s a black man, he died, he’s dead… and a cop killed him, but there are a LOTTA questions, of course. But I know bad cops, I’ve been dealing with them since day one. LISA PAGE, THE WONDERFUL LOVERS. LYIN’ JAMES COMEY. And the rest. Bad cops, awful cops, and you might say that they killed me, too. I know that I, also, can’t breathe. That’s what he said, what George said. You see the video, he can’t breathe, and we’ve…. that’s not a great way to die.

But you…. you can’t stop the cops, they do some wonderful things. About a…. maybe a week ago, I wanted to go to a beautiful church. To take the Bible, or GOOD BOOK as it’s known, to go for the walk and stand in front of the church, as you do. And I said “Okay, I’m going to go do this.”

And the guys, the generals, they said “Oh no, SIR, there’s a riot! A terrible riot and it’s…. it’s not good.”

So I asked where were the cops. Where’s the cops? And they said “We don’t know, Obama didn’t leave us any of the cops, or police men AND WOMEN as they are known.” So I got us the cops, they did the thing, they sprayed the pepper balls, and I walked to the church.

Which, BY THE WAY, BY THE WAY? You get pepper on food, they can put pepper on food and it’s not… it’s not a chemical. It’s what’s known as a mineral, I believe, a seasoning. So you… these people complaining about the taste? The burn? You…. I thought black people enjoyed spicy food, that’s what Diamond and Silk have said to me. They are my African Americans, I own…. well…. we don’t do that any more. But I…. they love me. They love me. They’re my blacks.

I love you A Fancy Hat

CNN did a really wonderful and informative piece this morning, asking Trump supporters and “undecided voters” what they thought of the impeachment hearing so far.

Burf Durndel, 25, of Montgomery Alabama. Burf believes that Donald Trump receives power “direct from Jesus Christ” and that allows his to “rule with a clarity beyond mortal man”. Burf voted for Trump in 2016 and will vote for Trump again, although he is currently facing jail time for burning down a mall “in the name of Donald J Trump”. Burf believes the impeachment is “a disgrace” and asked our camera crew several times how hot we thought the human body could burn.

Britt Crystal, 40, of Pittsburgh Pennsylvania. Britt didn’t vote in 2016 as she believes voting machines are a part of “The Beast” – a worldwide computer network possessed by Satan which steals your soul through your data. Britt was informed that you can cast an early ballot through the mail, and has decided to do so. On the impeachment, Britt says “It’s really sad. I’ve never seen a President treated this way. Why aren’t we impeaching Obama for his Netflix deal? Or Hillary for what she did to that Ben fella? Ben Gazzi?”

Donald Trump Jr, 41, of New York City. Donald Trump Jr still doesn’t understand how voting works. “I know you press the button and the man counts it, but I guess I don’t understand how he counts so fast. I guess it has to do with time zones? Yeah, that’s it. Shut up, moron, I knew that.” That said, he voted for Donald Trump in 2016, attempted to vote for him again in 2018 “I thought that was the 2 year thing, you know, like the recap vote. I still don’t really understand why it wasn’t a vote for him.” and plans to vote for him again in 2020. Donald Trump went on a 45 minute long tangent when asked about the impeachment, including 10 minutes of crying, 15 minutes discussing why his Dad “loves me more than anybody, I get the most twitter love from him now”, and a bizarre moment where he discussed “Morgellons” and Hillary Clinton spreading a “super virus” across the US with the purpose of “creating Democrat voters”.