the abyss

remember that movie? gave it a rewatch the other day. still like it. although not sure it’s possible to actually live in a ~700psi environment.

a fancy hat 12/19

A loose Presidential acquaintance of mine calls me at 1:00am today and asks me if I could print something on the computer for him and bring it over in the afternoon. “Hey yeah sure sure, whatever you need I’ll help you, I’m all yours,” I tell him. He sends me this file and lo and behold I can’t open it. It’s made in Microsoft Publisher and I don’t have that program so I begin panicing, trying to find this program or a way to print the file. Scouring the internet yields no results and I do my usual pacing in my room.

I finally come up with an idea and I tell the former President, if I can proceed with it. The plan was I would carry my printer about 2miles to his golf course, print out the needed pages, maybe talk to him a bit while I was there. I was hoping for at least a hug out of this ordeal.

By the time I get there, I’m wet all over from sweating in the +90 degree heat outside and carrying a heavy motherfucking HP Deskjet printer. The first thing I see upon entering his room (my first time in a President’s bedroom) are some classified documents on the bed.

After the initial shock of seeing such a horrific sight for the first time, I setup the printer and get my job done. However, I did consider reading the documents when he left the room once, but with the wuss that I am, I just ended up staring at them the whole while. That was a sarcastic joke for those of you too stupid to realize that.

To make a long story short, just as I was finishing up with the printing job (which was hefty), Kanye West and Sebastian Gorka walk in, say hello, and begin hanging out in the room as they waited for Trump to finish this work so they could go to the mall.

This effectively ruins my chances of getting a hug and I walk another 2 miles home with the motherfucking printer in hand. The only thing that I got out of this were some very painful fingers and a “thanks” as I walked out his bedroom door.

So, am I pathetic for doing all these things? It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve pledged my heart and soul to a President and gotten back almost nothing in return. I would hate turning Trump or anyone else I knew down or making up some lie.